


Dear Felix

by Sylvain_is_a_puppy (Lunaticality)



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Bondage, Dark Sylvain Jose Gautier, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt, Extreme Possessive Behavior, M/M, Margrave/Sylvain, Mind Games, Post-Canon, They still love each other, it may sting a little but not that bad (I think), questionable sanity, wandering sellsword/Felix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:28:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24078994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunaticality/pseuds/Sylvain_is_a_puppy
Summary: A *slightly* darker alternative of how Sylvain got back together with Felix in none-blue lions endings.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	Dear Felix

**Author's Note:**

> This follows their joint ending where Felix became a mercenary after the war and Sylvain, the new Margrave: Sylvain hired Felix at some point, but they parted ways soon after; ten something years later, Sylvain received a sword that was believed to be Felix’s.
> 
> Yes, it sucks, so here’s an objectively better alternative. Hope you enjoy!

Felix opened his eyes, but the world surrounding him was pitch-black. Not even a hint of gradation from the darkest grey; the space was soaked in ink so condensed its blackness was almost tangible. It made him question whether he _actually_ opened his eyes. Or whether he was awake at all.

He blinked hard, and vaguely felt the movement of his eyelids and lashes. He wanted to raise a hand to touch them, only to realize that his arms were constrained behind his back.

He tried to move, but something tugged at his throat that prevented him from getting up. He kicked around in vain, only to hit the solid stone wall behind him. Every squirm was accompanied by the sound of metal chains clanking.

He tried to remember what happened.

He was fighting. But something felt off. He was fighting against…

His recollection of the battlefield was distant, grey, masked in heavy fog. But there it was, the unmistakable blaze of red hair, striking against the bleak background, one that his eyes always wandered to.

Felix tried to move again; nothing budged, just the sound of metals clashing against cold stone floor.

He tried magic; he could easily hurt himself in such close distance, but he couldn’t care less. He needed to get out of there, now.

Despite his best efforts, nothing happened. Felix’s heart sank. He couldn’t stop his mind from spiraling downwards.

Where’s Sylvain? Did they get him too?

Did they…kill him?

No. Not again.

Not Sylvain.

“Fuck!”

He could hear his own pulse thumping in his ears. He tried magic again; nothing happened. He couldn’t feel the electric waves traveling through his veins, the sensation he always had right before releasing a spell. Every time he tried to conjure something up, it was immediately sucked out of him.

What the fuck is this?

Felix jumped in his skin at the sudden scraping sound of steel against stone. A faint glow was let in; he saw a figure coming in, and the ray of light was gradually shut out again. With a soft swoosh, the room was lit.

“Felix.”

His eyes hadn’t fully adjusted to the light, but he’d recognize that voice anywhere.

“Sylvain!” He cried out, a gush of relief washing over him, “are you ok?”

The figure abruptly stopped, almost like it was taken aback by that question. “Aw, Felix,” the shadow sighed as he kneeled down in front of him, “you’re worried about me.”

“Of fucking course, you idiot,” Felix barked, his brows knitted tightly, “now get me out of this!”

Sylvain obliged, helping Felix into a kneeling position, and reached over both sides of his body to work on the chains behind his back. Felix felt the cold metal pressing harder into his arms as Sylvain tugged and pulled at the shackles. He heard a light chuckle next to his ear. “What’s so funny?” He growled.

This idiot really doesn’t know when to stop.

“I haven’t been this close to you in a long time, Fe.” Sylvain murmured thoughtfully. With both of them kneeling face to face and Sylvain’s arms around him, it did feel like an embrace.

But now is not the fucking time. Felix furiously bumped his left shoulder into to the redhead’s chest and shook the chains around his waists, “stop messing around, Sylvain! Take these off!”

His movement was restrained by the chained collar around his neck, so he wasn’t sure if his point had come across. Instead, he felt the hands tugging at the chains left; they slowly climbed up his back.

“Why, Felix,” Sylvain whispered into his ear as he tightened his arms around him, “so you can run away from me again?”

Felix couldn’t tell if this was an ill-timed joke. The eerie calmness in Sylvain’s voice made his stomach turn.

“ _Sylvain_. This is not funny.” Felix struggled to wrench himself free, but the other man’s muscles tensed, clutching him firmly in place.

“No,” he felt a head pressed against his shoulder, followed by a gentle kiss on the curve of his neck, “it’s not funny at all.

“It’s not funny,” he felt Sylvain’s breath traveling up his neck as the other continued talking, “that I wake up every morning with a shrieking heartache,” Sylvain nuzzled sweetly alongside Felix’s earlobe, “that I miss you so much I can’t stand myself.

“And it’s not funny,” he whispered quietly, turning to face Felix and gently cupped his cheeks, the tips of their noses barely touching, “that I dread every letter, every messenger, for fear that one of them will tell me that I’ve lost you forever.”

His gaze was warm, full of adoration, its utter disassociation from their surroundings made Felix shudder.

“I didn’t ask you to do that,” Felix snarled, anger swelling in his chest as if to swallow that fear, “and it’s none of your fucking business!”

“I know, I know,” Sylvain lowered his eyes almost apologetically, “and I _tried_. I really did. I prayed to the Goddess every day that I could forget about you,” he lovingly tucked a loose strand of dark hair behind Felix’s ear, “I wish I could pick a girl, get married, have kids, and move on. But I can’t. I can’t get you out of my head, Fe.”

With that Sylvain’s lips curved upward, and he smiled that bright, beautiful smile of his, the one that shined like the morning sun, one that always made Felix’s heart skip a beat—it still did, even now.

“But that’s ok; it’s all over now. Now we can be together, _forever._ ” His lashes fluttered shut sweetly as he leaned in to kiss Felix.

Felix violently jerked his head back and spat on his face.

Sylvain just chuckled, raising a hand and scooped up the spit dripping from his cheekbone with one finger. He opened his mouth, and casually wiped it on his tongue.

“You’ve lost your fucking mind.”

A looming sense of dread slowly slithered in; Felix stared into Sylvain’s eyes, desperate to find some trace, _any_ trace of sanity left in them.

But instead, he found no trace of _insanity_.

“First of all, that argument never worked,” Sylvain shrugged, “for someone who truly lost his mind would never admit to it.” He continued, “think about it, Felix,” he reached out again to caress the other’s face, but Felix angrily shook his hand off, “don’t fucking touch me!” He growled through his teeth.

“Alright, alright,” Sylvain put his hands in the air, “that’s a lot of F word in one day even for you.” He smiled light-heartedly, “but really, give it a thought, Fe. I know this is a drastic proposition, but common sense is overrated if you think about it.” He nodded thoughtfully to himself, “common sense dictates that I give you up, suppress my feelings, and watches on as you destroy yourself. A life of pain and regret—I don’t want that. We _won_ the war, for crying out loud.” He turned his gaze towards Felix again, “and you? What’s so good about the outside world for you?”

Felix’s jaw tightened, mind racing. “At least I’ll be free,” he bit his lower lip, hard enough to draw blood.

“Free to put yourself in harm’s way, yes.”

“I wasn’t trying to get killed!” Felix instantly retorted, “if I was I would have succeeded a long time ago.”

“Hmm.” Sylvain rubbed his temples as if to consider, “fair point, I guess.”

Felix felt absolutely ridiculous as they kneeled in front of each other in the cold, damp dungeon, apparently having a cool-headed discussion on whether one of them should tie up the other so that they could be “together”. But as ridiculous as it was, he clung to what must be the last remains of reasons and sanity, his only hope to get out of this.

“Freedom is too vague, Fe,” Sylvain looked back at him again, eyes squinting, “how about this: name one thing out of this room that’s truly important to you.”

Felix opened his mouth.

He couldn’t think of anything to say.

A loaded silence fell upon them. The flames in the faraway sconces flickered, casting shadows that danced deliriously across the floor. He could see hands rising out of it, Sylvain’s hands, warm and alluring, dragging him down into a bottomless pit, inch by inch as every single second passed by.

“See? Me neither!” Sylvain beamed cheerfully, flinging his arms around Felix and pulling him into another tight embrace, “you made me so happy, Fe. I dream about you every night; you are the only thing I need. We’ll be so happy together.”

Felix screwed his eyes shut, even though what he really wanted to shut were his ears, as the sweet, melodic poison kept pouring into his head, the low whispering forcing his body to react a certain way to the passionate confessions that his younger self could only dream about.

Make it stop.

It felt so warm in Sylvain’s arms.

With all his strength, Felix sank his teeth into the other’s neck.

Sylvain let out a painful groan, falling backwards as he lost his balance. He pressed a hand over the side of his neck; he glanced at the fresh bloodstain on his palm and laughed, exasperated.

“Felix, oh Felix,” he climbed up and strolled to the far corner of the room, “you could have just _asked_ , you know?”

When he returned, he had something in his right hand. He stood in front of Felix to appreciate the view as amber eyes stabbed holes through him. He kneeled down again.

“I will let you bite me. I will let you do anything to me.” He purred with a patient smile, “anything you are willing to give, I will take. But if you bite me again _without_ permission,” smile faded from his eyes although his lips still twisted upward, “I’ll have to put this on you, Felix.”

He released his grip and let the small object hung from his finger. It looked like a choker or bracelet of some sort, but with a leather ball in the middle.

Apparently amused by the other’s visible confusion, Sylvain stuffed the ball in his mouth and held both ends in one hand around the back of his head.

Oh.

He popped it out with a smile and held it in front of Felix’s eyes, “are we understood?”

It was the swordsman’s instinct to fight back at the threat of humiliation, but as much as he disliked talking, talking was his last resort. He couldn’t afford to lose it, so he bit his tongue and nodded.

Felix watched as the other put the thing away in his pocket, his wash of relief clashing onto a surge of despair. “Is that what you want?” He asked bitterly, “to keep me here as your prisoner? Your sex slave?”

“Woah,” Sylvain raised a hand as if to shield that mental image, “let’s not jump ahead of ourselves,” he smirked coyly, “although you know I’m not opposed to the idea.”

Felix could swear he saw the faintest hint of blush on Sylvain’s face. It didn’t make any fucking sense.

Sylvain cleared his throat, “I want to keep you here, safe and by my side. I’ll be here and spend time with you as much as I can, Felix.” He reached forward and lightly tugged at Felix’s choker, “if you behave nicely, I’ll take some of these off and let you train. I’ll train with you.

“And I’ll…have sex,” he awkwardly made a gesture towards Felix, “… _make love_ to you,” he corrected himself, “only if you want to.” He rubbed his palm against Felix’s chin, fingers curling up to hold his face, “you’ll want to someday, I suppose.”

Felix was completely dumbfounded. He couldn’t make sense of any of this.

“What? I’m not just gonna _rape_ you. I’m not a monster,” Sylvain looked _offended_ , “I want to keep you safe, Fe. And I’ll make you happy. I promise.”

“I will never be happy like this.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Of course I do!” Felix cried out, “You are out of your fucking mind, Sylvain! This isn’t love!”

“What is love, Felix?” Sylvain hissed, nails digging deep into the other’s skin, “the hole in my body that ached with every breath I take?” he puffed, “right, you wouldn’t know, Fe, you are the one being loved.”

Felix’s eyes widened in disbelief. Slowly, he lowered his gaze.

There’s hardly any point in telling him now. But by the same token, there’s no point in hiding, either.

“ _I loved you, Sylvain._ ” He whispered, more to himself than anything else. His voice fell into the silence, like a single needle dropping to the ground.

They were both completely still, yet something quivered. For the first time since he woke up, Felix thought he could feel the raw, throbbing core laid bare in front of him, beneath all layers of madness.

Sylvain smiled sadly, “right, just not enough to come back to me.”

(choose one)

\--> Sylvain

\--> Felix

\--------------------------------------------

\--> Sylvain

“I…” Felix’s head dropped, “I just needed some time.”

“You could have at least told me where you were. Or that you are alive.”

With great efforts, Felix lifted his gaze to meet Sylvain’s. If there was one last thing he could get across, he wanted it to be this; the only rightful end to their story, now that they were both too far gone to write it again.

“I’m sorry.”

Sylvain closed his eyes upon hearing those words. His features twisted in agony, then slowly relaxed as the pain gradually washed away. He opened his eyes again.

“It’s ok, Felix,” he smiled, “you’ll have all the time in the world to redeem yourself.”

\--------------------------------------------

\--> Felix

Sylvain smiled sadly, “right, you loved me, just not enough to come back to me.”

With great efforts, Felix lifted his gaze to meet Sylvain’s.

No, that’s not it.

He burst out laughing as he finally saw through the maze, through his life decisions compelled by feelings that he hadn’t been able to untangle even for himself, up until this very moment.

The stars had aligned, and they had granted him the perfect wish that he didn’t deserve.

“I loved _you_ , Sylvain. I just hated myself.” Felix smiled.

“Now punish me, my love.”

\--------------------------------------------

NOTES

I always wonder how Sylvain ended up a well-adjusted individual (for the most part) when he grew up in such a horrible family, so I wanted to play with the idea that years of longing, loneliness and anxiety had brought out his dark side, and he took some unconventional methods to get what he wanted.

For a more benevolent version of them getting back together, see my [other work](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23895898/chapters/57449605).

Thanks for reading! Let me know which ending you liked more, I can’t decide lol


End file.
